Now, I found myself once again caught out in the middle of a raging ongoing conflict I'd been having with myself. Mentally, I was absolutely certain that Anita and I could never be together, not in any permanent, romantic, sense. Emotionally, for whatever reason, I found myself unable to completely let her go. This conflict was wearing on me. I had been having it for more than a year already, and seemed no closer to resolving it then I ever had been.I knew this was a self contained conflict. I was battling with myself, and, with some of my recent decisions, like allowing her to come back to the farm, I was stacking the deck against myself. Realizing this, I felt ashamed of myself, because of the glaring lack of maturity and self control this decision had exposed in me. I knew I had too many people depending on me to be able to indulge myself like I had been doing.This thing with Anita was over. I had to just accept that it was, and then move on. Anything less than that would put in. “What do you mean?” Collie asked.“Well, she seems to like spreading the most damaging things she can and likes to keep things secret when they could help. Why do you pay attention? It sounds like you’ve been led astray by her advice pretty consistently. Why not just tune her out or assume that she’s not telling you the full story?”They looked at her and then at each other. “It just never occurred to us to treat her like she wasn’t trustworthy.” Tabby admitted sheepishly.Tricia shrugged as if it made perfect sense. “Well, she’s the youngest around here, right? She probably feels like it’s the only way to get attention from everyone. I suppose she’d make a sensational gossip columnist some day.”“So you think she’s doing it to get attention?” Collie asked, horrified. “That’s terrible!”I shrugged. “And yet, not so far-fetched in this house,” I said sourly. I picked up the phone and called next door, putting it on speaker.“I wondered when I might hear from you,” Patty said when she picked.
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